I thought I had past the time when flattery and flirting had any effect upon me.  I was wrong, I just know that it all inspires me.  I can not fortell the future, I am not by any means rushing, falling for him , completely helplessly with total abandon as in past. Who can not appreciate such flattery and teasing? I am plasteringand painting walls of new older home and dancing around – as usual -but I am more inspired and a little less frustrated,  It feels good.

Am ploughing slowly through hundreds of boxes. I have moved  closer to my hometown, Wash. D.C. and daughter, son and grandchildren. There were 5 trucks of lovely collections. I sent and gave away 3 truckloads. I arrived in my new old house with just 2 trucks and will be lucky to find my things to organize again. House , great location, charming, great bones, but needed new kitchen and new bath. lived here for about 10 days maybe, I finally got hot water several days ago and a stove new! All tile in bath had to come down as there was too many missing and could not be replaced. new pretty tile ordered, jaquzzi ordered, theres color to add everywhere before art can be hung and working on landscaping as was an eyesore distraction to the cottages charm, Need to be lucky somewhat  to find a carpenter that can build me shelve and cabinets in at least 2 rooms, much  needed. I”ll get there. I was introduced to a sweet, tender,  funny contractor to help. He receives a lot of calls and smokes every ten minutes-UGH-but is fun to work with and overbooked as he is, is pretty helpful. I feel like an older sister or very good friend to him, he was recently left in his marriage and is quite raw right now. I want to help him, rescue him.

There was Hope upon our faces
Love as healing balm
Me dancing with pink laces
Come now beloved, come along
You will be a happier man
Let us with feel, sing this song

I did not look for love
A little prayer led me
my only guidance, holy sprit
love seeeeeeped into me
knowledge of your tales
your pain
begat more love
my brain, my heart, full of you
love raining upon me from above
It would have been foul to God
to play it safe
I loved with abandoned trust
God perfected my love
refining, enhancing
i was co creating with God
I was more alive, more creative
more in love with God
with myself
others
miracles abundant
I asked God to bless Thomas,
God blessed me
I was under Gods spell
I am hours from Thomas
but in the moment under Gods spell

a heart beating out rhythm

of truth and beauty

energy unbridled

passion as therapy

seeing deep, discovering

falling hard, forgiving

to become more lovely

stronger still

love inspired me

did not kill me

i with grief, hardships
began to pray
led to him
fell into his arms
unafraid
days
pleasantries
compliments
flatteries
i was laughing more
my faith fearless
sweetescape
from burdens too great
many nights sleeping intertwined
old school, clothes on
i still lost my place
he held my hands
exchanging secrets
trusting

some of us have had alot of love
it takes us on a ride
it is the ultimate thrill
sometimes intertwined with dissappointment or loss
we then take a backseat
turn down the flame as neccessary
cooling our burns
nearly forgeting the lofty addiction
until it finds us again
often the begin from prayer
it is the touch that holds too much power
i forgot how my body heat could boil
anticipation alone
its so dangerous, i could easily tobble over
i haven’t felt as smart or as funny for two years
just maybe i was a little stupid,
i do not think so
the moments, hours, days
were as beautiful as they get
hoping i had the same effect upon him
to inspire hope
go ahead and hope Mr.
to disolve fears, toss them aside
you are safe here

i swooped down so joyful
from Gods sky
in a time of need and prayer
directed to the beautiful man
my sprit unbridled
my passion rekindled in a blast
swept away in simpatico
of beauty
words and thoughts
my heart spinning
then i saw an ugly thing
no,no,no
how could
could i be so wrong?

I heard that the big angel fell
No, No, No !
I ran outside
sat rocking for hours
weeping
waiting
to see him again
I looked down the street
looked up in the sky
I searched and waited
for The Big Angel to come by
I still carry his handkerchief
am still waiting
for The Big Angel
to vist me
that i need him
He should come
get up !
here where i am, fly!
that i miss
that i need
that i love you
so please, please
come to me
vist one more time
but you know
that would never be enough…

the only relief i have is in sleep
where i hope to find him again
i am still holding your hankerchief Dad